A List Of Happy Vs. Stress

Happy

Our new place has rooms for everyone, including guests, and the kitchen is big enough for us to take our meals in.

Our place is nicely furnished and we didn't need to buy a stick of furniture, except for a couple of fans as the boys can't take the air-con blowing through the night.

I really like our neighbourhood. Not too busy, and everything necessary is within an easy walk.

We have a home.

We have a car!! It's really a piece of peace-of-mind for moving about with 3 boys everyday. I drive them and my sister and her kids Mon-Fri, to school and back, and Gadget-daddy does all the other night and weekend outings.

I am renewing my cooking skills which were left asleep in some lost shelves of high-school days.

I can hang out with my older sister Mon-Fri while the older kids are in school.

Stress

The kids are left on their own while I'm cooking (and I only do breakfast and dinner). Sometimes I get Myron to sit on the highchair with a few biscuits while I cook dinner, but that means spoiling some of his dinner.

I really feel the loss of my quality time spent with the boys, now being crowded by chores and more chores.

I can tell my boys are bored/ lack of adult attention, because they love coming into the kitchen and driving me crazy there with their constant opening and closing of doors (fridge, microwave oven, cupboards), and fighting over everything (who's first, whose more, I-can-you-cannot), and baby Myron seems to have so little of my time compared to the two older ones when they were his age. :(

Doing Chinese homework. It especially drives Micah and I crazy.

Not stress... but I miss the old familiarities of hanging out with my other sister, having our morning routines in KL and also staking out at my mom's place whenever I needed a safe place for the boys to play while I chat with my mom.

Eyebrow Raising

I was getting ready for a shower when Micah ran in and announced, "I need to poo-poo, Mom."

So I dawdled a bit in the room, as he is usually quite fast.
Sure enough, he chirped "I'm done," just as I got all my clean clothes out of the closet.

As I washed him, he asked,
"Mom, what do you call that again? The one that only girls have."

"Err...? You mean where they shee-shee (pee) from?
Oh, man. Are we gonna hit the B&B Qs again?

"No, the other one you said."

"Oh?"
Now I am puzzled and honestly scared. I don't know what he's asking about and I'm not sure if I have the time to prepare the answer appropriately. This is like a pop quiz of life!

"What 'baby' again?

"Oh, you mean ..."

"Baby fat!
Yeah, baby fat*. Now I remember. I like that."

He chuckles as he walked out of the bathroom, leaving me laughing, shaking my head and my jelly-belly.

Yeah, only girls (moms) have them: Baby-fat.


*It was my older sis who told me of the term "baby fat". It's the fat you gain with every baby you have. He over heard me telling that to Gadget-daddy and since that, more that 4 months ago, he will now and then bring up the topic.

Recycle Freak

Occasionally one of my many panic buttons gets pushed.

This one was to go hug a tree... Well, kinda to that effect.

It was the day after we got back from Singapore.
It started with the simple thought of re-using a couple of plastic containers we had put put snacks in for the journey. When we got back, I washed the containers, packed them into a plastic bag to reuse them when I go buy snacks for the kids after school.

That's when I suddenly realised we had a ton of such containers stacked up under the kitchen counter and the giddiness began.

I matched a cover to each one of these and then packed them into two bags for the playgroup, where it would come in handy, as sometimes some moms are so generous with their snacks we get to pack their goodies home.



I also took out the boys' travelling-utensils and kept them in the car.


Now I also can refuse plastic forks and spoons from restaurants/coffeshops when I pack food for them after school.

I also carry three plastic bags in my handbag for in-case-I-decide-buy-something-at-the-supermarket. The three plastic bags are of different sizes. Easier to fold them into my handbag than to lug those reusable shopping bags that are thick and huge.

USE LESS PLASTIC.

A Belated Post: London says Hello

Last week we actually met up with an old school friend.

She has been staying in London since the time she went there to study. She then worked there a short while while waiting for her convocation, and there met her husband, and now she comes back about once a year.



She and Ee-ee were classmates, but now that we are all adults, honestly, age is really just a number that's more important to your doctors and medical insurance agents.

Anyway, (sorry, I digress) we are always happy to see her and her son, Jonathan. We ate lunch at Marco's Pizza, ordered our usual favourites and we three ladies talked non-stop, either to each other or our boys in between. It sure was a lot of chatter. :D


When Micah was a couple of months old, she was back and came to visit at my place. Since then babies and kids are always in our conversations. She has a son, but she also fosters babies.

We always enjoy meeting up with old friends, and do a quick catch up.

Here's Aunty Karen and her son Johnathan with my boys.

Goodbye, Grandma

Thank you for all your comments and well wishes. I have not replied because the updates would let you know what's going on.

My grandma passes away this morning about 11.30am.
My mom called to inform me as I was heading out to buy something.

Grandma actually gave birth to 10 babies, 3 boys and 7 girls. But due to a hard life, she gave away three of her babies. Only one was acknowledge as this one was given as a favour to a relative who wanted another child, but could not conceive after many years.

Grandma was widowed more than 10 years ago.
Today, she leaves behind 7 children,
30 grand children and 27 great grand children.

She was holding on to her last breaths, waiting for her youngest son to see her. He finally did visit her on Friday night. This morning she passed on.

I am glad I took my boys up to see her one last time.
When we were there and I heard that this uncle would come see her, I somehow sensed that even if I planned another trip this coming week, we might not make it to see her again.

When we were there, I was glad my boys were not afraid of her. They climbed on to her bed and played and sang around her, while my aunt fussed, asking if she wanted a drink. Then we brought Myron to her. The latest addition to her great grand children.





Be at peace, grandma.
All your children have come to see you before you move on.
In your own ways you have done all you could, you have done your best, to care for your hildren and your children's children.

Under Currents - Updates

Turns out that the little bumps/blisters on Myron's feet are actually ants bites.
Phew. What a relief.

Yes, I am so So glad Gadget-daddy was right, and that I need not have panicked and got all worried for nothing.

So tomorrow we will be off to see my grandma.
I hope she will wait for us.

When We were kids, my older sister and I would go to Taiping a few days ahead of our parents with a relative and stay with our grandma, my mom's mom. We would have three cousins (children of my first uncle) if not more (children of other aunts and uncle sent to be cared by grandma full time for a few months if not years) staying with grandma and we played all the time: Hop-scotch, hide-and-seek were our favourite.

We would sleep on an elevated wooden platform, all the kids in a row, with a pillow and a blanket. At certain seasons there would be a huge mosquio net hung across the platform. I remembered the one we had was pink, and it made me think of candyfloss. Usually we all would chat and laugh until grandma comes in to turn off the lights and then we would settle to sleep one by one. Grandma slept on the edge of the platform.

Every morning she would serve us a cup of coffee, with sugar, but no milk, and we would have to wait for breakfast to be bought back from the market. My uncle's wife usually did that for us. Lunch was usually plaine rice porridge with a fried egg each. We added soy sauce and pepper to taste. Dinner was a little more lavish, with a meat dish and vegetables. I remembered her steamed mince pork was my favourite.

Grandma's family lived simple lives. They had no TV, no refrigerator, and no telephone for the longest time. I remembered my mother had to call a neighbour's house and she would holler over the fence and grandma would hurry over. Sometimes my mom would put the phone down first and call again in a minute to save on outstation-calls charges.

It was at her place I had a first hand experience of bathing by a well (getting water out with a bucket at the end of a string requires real skill, I discovered) and using a real outhouse, bucket toilet (tandas tong!!). The later probably gave me constipation for the years to come because I would try not to go as long as I could. It was really too disgusting to describe.

------

Ah... so many stories to tell... but will have to wait till I come back in a couple of days' time.
Now off to bed for I will be driving that 3 hour journey up north.

Under Currents

I'm in a frazzle.
I feel being swept under by a huge river.

Myron showed 3 little bumps on his feet this evening.
Gadget-daddy says don't panic. Don't be so negative.
I have booked a place at the doc's.
Going off soon to have it looked at.
My greatest fear: Hand-foot-mouth.

I was packing half way this evening.
I had called my mom and asked her to call my aunt in Taiping.
My grandma is dying. She would be 90 this year.
I had wanted to bring the boys to see their great-grandma for one last time.
Been thinking a lot about her the last few days.
She has not eaten for three weeks and now just sleeps all the time.
I am anxious: will we make it before it's too late?

Gotta go to the doctor's now.

Watching TV With Daddy

My boys are watching Zorro on TV with their daddy.

So this is probably their first exposure to sword fighting, some fancy horse riding and dynamite blasting.

At the end, I over heard Micah asking his daddy why they were fighting.
And Daddy explained about having to fight off the bad people and rescue the people who were trapped.

I remember when I was very young, maybe four or younger, I'd sit on my daddy's lap and joined him on his favourite cowboy show on our black and white TV:

Bonanza!
(Thanks to Google, you can find and refresh almost any bit/bits of your memories!!)



Anyone remembered this?
:)

Actually, I only remembered the intro of the show, the fire part and the men riding together.
The music, too, of course, but don't recall any of the show itself.

Old Not-Really-Love Story

This story is specially for my kai-lui, milochel.

So here's a bit more on "something sounding like an extract from a teenage romance novel" from the last post.

So this friend of mine (shall not mention the name, but I don't think you'd be so "blur" not to know, right?) and I were in the same gang that hung out in school. We spend almost every morning before school started and also after school as a bunch of close knit friends. We were crazy about having fun, but serious about helping each other out to be better people as individuals and in the community. (Incidentally, Gadget-daddy was also with us in this gang. Yes, like I said, close-knit friends.)

He and I wrote letters and notes to each other almost every other day, if not every day and we would chat on the phone a lot. We actually got very close because he confided in me about his struggle with parental relationships (he came from a very good home where he felt pressured by parents who are "never wrong").

Eventually we both grew mix feeling for each other.
Through some obvious hints, we let each other know there was a crush on both sides.

He was always kind and encouraging.
He was witty and funny, and sometimes very profound.
The one thing I really appreciated was his respect for me.

It was at this time we both knew I was not ready to be committed in a relationship.
I was afraid.
Afraid that if it failed, I would lose a very good friend.
Afraid that if it failed, I might not survive a broken heart.

So we never actually got "involved" although some people observing us could tell there were some sparks between us.

Eventually he moved to study in another state and we were only in contact once or twice a year.

It was at this time that he was away, that I spent a lot of time with another good friend, now the love of my life (read that real love story here).

So life is such, that some "what if's" would really have ended us up in really different lives from the one we live now.

I am glad for who I am with. Gadget-daddy and I are both so glad.

I am also glad that with him, we are all still very good friends.

I am sure his wife knew about "us" too, as he is the type to not to keep secrets from the one he trusts. So I am glad we are all very good friends.

When we meet we talk about our kids, our parents and siblings. The men talk about financial managements, the wives exchange news about a common friend. We still laugh about some unbelievable incidences we encountered. Occasionally we talk about our funny school tales, but not too much as we do not want his wife to feel left out.

So, we are cool.
Just that having my child carry the same name as he might be a little too close for comfort ...
I'm sure his mom (she knew about "us" too) would raise an eyebrow.

Choosing A Name

I am already having a headache.
I had thought I had solved this problem, but it's come back...

What name to give to this baby boy?

I have Googled this and I have "chosen" a few names I thought with quite good meaning... but the criteria for me for choosing a name comes as such:

1. Good meaning.
2. Sounds good to the ear.
3. Can be pronounced without a problem by our non English speaking relatives.
4. It has to start with the mighty letter 'M'.

No. 3 is really the hardest criteria to fulfill.

Already, when I look at the quite cool sounding names with good meaning... I can imagine how they will be mispronounced and maybe even be made a joke of because it may sound like something else in Cantonese.

My mom, for one, may not make a joke of a 'strange' name, but I shall not torture her with grandchild whose name she cannot call properly, and have the other grandkids, especially my boys, constantly trying to correct her because she cannot twist her tongue in such a way to pronounce certain sounds.

Sigh...

When we had to choose a name for Max it was hard enough.
So we finally agreed that Maxwell, meaning full in wellness, was a good name. Max sound pretty cool too, and no problem for our non-English speaking relatives, especially my mom.

So ...

Actually, I thought of the name Marq, like Marc/Mark.
(thought of this after we decided on Maxwell, that should we have another boy, this would be it.)
Cool right, with the 'Q' in a name?
Also, it's easy for our non-English speaking relatives...

But ...

We, Gadget-daddy and I, are now not so comfortable with the name.

It's to do with a close friend we have, who stays near by.
His parents also stay near by.
We all go way back into school days, and we are all still very good friends (he is also married and has a son.)
We meet up quite often (a few times a year is pretty good for friend we have since school days),
usually either at his place or ours.

The thing is,...
He and I kinda have a past...
something that didn't quite happen, though it was probably just a whisper away...
(Yes, yes, something sounding like an extract from a teenage romance novel. Hahaha...)
which would require a whole different post to tell that story...
(Please pardon my rambling...)

Anyway...
the point is...

Still no name yet.

Pfffhhhh.

Stories Of My Father For My Children - Part 1

Stories of my Father: The Amputee

My father lost a leg to Diabetes. There was an ulcer on his right foot that would not heal for months and we were in and out of the hospital all those time. We were taught by the hospital nurses how to do a dressing for the wound every day.

Eventually the infection got on to his bone and he had to amputate his right leg below the knee.

For a man who lost a leg, he never lost his sense of humour.

From the time they wheeled him out of surgery, the first thing he said to his anxious family was,
" Now I can join the cacat (handicap) race."

Another time, we were talking about buying shoes. He said he should look for another amputee who wants only a right shoe, then they can save a lot by sharing a pair of shoes.

"But," I said, "That's not so easy, coz you'll also have to find a GUY with the same shoe size."
Hmm.. and we had not even thought of style and colour preference yet. What about those offers where the second pair comes with a 50% discount. Could we just claim for one side for free?

Of course, because of his sense of humour, we would sometimes tease him.

There was a period he was worried about finances and would frequently complain aloud that he had no money. To that my younger sis and I would say, "How about playing your guitar in the pasar malam (night market) and we'll give you a bowl to collect charity from passers-by? You could even have the dog with you to pose as a blind-seeing dog (he was really losing his eye sight too)... or he could just guard over your collection.

An incident he found funny was when he took a trip to a temple in Klang with my mother and brother. While they were inside doing their rituals, my father sat on a bench under a tree waiting for them. A lady came up to him and offered him RM10. He laughed but very politely declined. He laughed for the rest of the day recalling this incident and we teased him that he should go get a lottery ticket.

One things he would say about his amputated leg was it's a "mow-ying-geok". In Cantoneses means "a leg without a shadow". More accurately, it refers to a kung-fu where the kick is so fast you don't even see a shadow of it. And with that he would be moving his stump around, mimicking some kung-fu moves while resting on his bed.

One of my father's lessons on life was to always be brave, to have courage. This was definitely courage in a circumstance of life beyond himself.

May we all find courage in our dark days too, and still be able to see the funny side of life.

Might As Well

My family have this thing about trying to do as many things along the same line as possible.

It is a phrase called "soon-sau" in Cantonese, meaning "along the flow of the hand".

For example, if we were going down town to the market, my mom will bring along her utility bills to pay at the post office near where we park the car. It's also at this time she will call a friend if she wants fresh eggs from a certain egg seller. Sometimes, on the way back, we will do a short detour to get nice egg tarts from a certain pastry shop famous for their egg tarts and puffs.

The same rule runs in the house. If you're heading to the kitchen we pick up cups and dishes that needs to be washed. Sometimes, along the way, we will pick up crumbs of tissues dropped by the kids. Similarly, a quick stop is made on the track to the kitchen to wipe a spill on the floor along the path.

Gadget-daddy's brain, when it comes to chores or running errands, is not wired this way. He is "very focused" and will only think of the one thing that needs to be done and go do it.
Need to go down to the bank to drop off a check.
That's it.
I wonder why he does not think of making another drop off at the same area of town, or if you're heading to your office, you could also, along the way, drop by the mall and get "that" birthday gift.

Or, since you're already in town, why not just have lunch at this place good for steam fish then head home (he'd just think of something simple to take away near by our place).

I am sure this has all to do with the way our own family functioned... maybe also a little bit of gender bias-ness. As in the way our brains are wired and how boys and girls have been brought up differently - to look out for things that needs to be done, and what is expected of you.

I remember my mom would call out,
"Don't just walk past that paper on the floor. Pick it up."
"Since you're washing up your cup, might as well wash up the other two in the sink too."
"Since you're already dirty, might as well come help move this flower pot before you wash up."

Gadget-daddy's probably never got such reminders hollered at him umpteen times till it's ingrained into the system.

I think this explains why sometimes it takes me longer to get from point A to B, which would be a little agitating to Gadget-daddy.

And sometimes I just can't understand why he does not get D and E done on the list when it's just "right beside" A, B and C.

Hmmm...

The good thing I suppose is that neither of us are very insistent on how things should be done, and really give way to each other's weaknesses/ differences.

So we might have to go down an extra trip down town tomorrow. OK... guess that'll give us something to do.

So we are delayed a little in going out, but at least when we get back, the room is not a mess or the laundry will be ready for the trip tomorrow.

Well, folks. Have a good weekend.

Shadows Lurking In My MInd

I when Micah was first born, for the first week, I felt terribly overwhelmed by the responsibility of a new parent:
What if I goof up?!
What if I can't do a good job bringing him up?
What if he had a bad accident under my watch?
That sure got me feeling desperate and depressed.

Maybe it was baby blues.
Maybe it was a big chunk of reality in trying to grasp at the whole thing of the responsibility of a parent.

About a week back, a mom at Micah's school mentioned that being a parent sure made her a whole lot more religious:
You just have to pray so much harder because so many things are beyond your control, like who their friends are and what kind of trouble they might get into.

So the other day, while driving alone (I had managed to sneak out in the evening to run an errand), I began to have this cloud hanging over my head.

They were thoughts of doubt, of fear and anxiety. Things beyond my control.
There were so many what if's and if-not's, so many dark thoughts.

It was a short 5 minutes drive from the store to my home, and by the time I reached our house, I just had to brush them all aside, breath a quick prayer of "Have mercy, O Lord," and greet my excited boys, happy to see Mommy with a new supply of milk and juice.

I wonder if my parents worried as much about us while we were growing up.
We had relatively a lot of freedom:

- Walking to kindy and back by myself at 5 (did not involve crossing a road, but had to walk through an alley to get to the block behind our flat in Bukit Bintang. Occasionally they had to send a relative to get me home coz I'd still be playing at the school grounds after everyone had gone back, and sometimes I'd be at a friend's house who stayed on the same block as we did).

- Taking the public bus with only my older sis when I was 10 (she's 2 years older to me).

- Walking home (15 minutes) from a tuition class at 9pm with only my younger sis from age 10 -12 (she's 3 years younger to me).

- Hanging out at a friend's place the whole of a Saturday every week at the age of 12.

- Taking the public bus to school everyday from age 15 -18.

I seriously wonder if I'd be able to give the same kind of freedom to my kids when they come to such and such an age. Maybe things were easier then. Life was not so messy, and not so many crazy people around....

I know my mom now would not let me give such freedom to her grandkids, simply because now there are more bad people out there and people are more desperate then before.

Sigh... so much for progress.

The "If" Tag

5"If"s that would have made your life somewhat different today.

Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. List 5 things that could make your life very different should it come true.
3. Tag 5 other people.

1. If Gadget-daddy and I had not courted so long we'd probably be having our 5th or 6th kid now.

I had always enjoyed being in a 5-kids family and love kids. Gadget-daddy loves them too, and if we had started out having kids earlier, I guess I'd be carrying maybe our 5th or 6th one now. Of course I can't imagine what a circus it'd be, but it'd also be heaps of fun.


2. If Gadget-daddy had gotten posted to Belgium right after he graduated, I suppose I'd be ice-skating, skiing and speaking French today.

He had a job offer, they really wanted him, but the work permit could not go through. It was quite exciting at that time for us to think of staying in Europe, but my Dad was also getting pretty sick at that time, so I must say God works everything out well for all of us somehow. The more important things anyway.


3. If I we were staying on our own, I'd probably be cooking more like Lia. :)

Lots of home made bread and milk in the fridge. Healthy meals baked in ovens and easy recipes to whip up. I'd do this one thing I learnt from my MiL: boil a good pot of soup which is used as base for cooking vege or making rice porridge or eating noodle soup. She even uses the soup to cook our rice in sometimes so that it's extra tasty and nutritious.


4. If I had insisted on changing school in my pre-U days, I would never had met Gadget-daddy.

I wanted to do English Literature and heard it was not offered in St. John's (where Gadget-daddy and I met). But due to government's red tape, I was informed that I could only make a school transfer after school strted, and that it would take up to 6 months to actually change school. Too much time wasted, I figured and stuck to where I was. And in the end, I did manage to do English Lit in St.John's, though it was more like a private tutorials with a couple of friends and some students from 2 other schools. Well, the rest is history.


5. If I had not stopped, I'd have ended under a bus.

Here's the story:
I was taking the public bus to school. I usually head out while it's still dark, abotu 30 mins before sunrise. One morning, as I had cossed a road, I made a jump for the curb, as I saw a bus speeding down the road. As I jumped up, my school bag's strap snapped and my bag fell onto the road. I was going make a jump for it when I felt something* made me stop short. Right at the edge of the curb when I stopped, I saw my school bag crushed under the bus. That could have been me. I was actually in a state of shock, and just picked up my bag - what it had become, and hugged it the rest of the way. Only when I got to school I broke into tears when I told a few friends what happened. Everything was wet from a crushed water bottle I had in my bag. Amazingly the calculator in the bag still worked, despite a crumpled durface.



So what are your 5 "if"s:
Ann
Mummy-yeoh
Jlow
Mumsgather
Hissychick
?


* Actually I would say I felt it was the voice of God that rang an alarm in me that said STOP, while my human instict was to jump and grab my bag.

Tagged by Infant

Tagged (by Infant)

Name: Kin

Sisters: 2
Brothers: 2
Shoe size: 8/9
Height : 5'4"

Where do you live: With my in-laws, or they with us. Either way to put it.

Favourite drinks: water, tea, milo.
Favourite breakfast: Nasi lemak/ chee-cheong-fun.

Have you ever been on a plane?: Y
Swam in the ocean : Y, just not in the middle of it.

Fallen asleep at school : Y
Broken someone’s heart: Not that I know of...

Fell off your chair : Y
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Y

Saved e-mails: mostly

What is your room like : Kids stuff and our stuff all over

What’s right beside you: Bed

What is the last thing you ate: Nasi lemak for lunch. Mil bought from market this morning.
Ever had chicken pox: Y
Sore throat: Y

Stitches: Y
Broken nose: N
Do you believe in love at first sight: N
Like picnics: Sure
Who was the last person you danced with: Micah and Max

Last made you smile: Micah

You last yelled at: Micah

Today did you:

Talk to someone you like: Y. Hubby called from Jakarta

Kissed anyone: Y (sloppy kisses from Max)

Get sick: N
Talk to an ex: No ex.
Miss someone: Y. Gadget-daddy

Eat: Breakfast and lunch.
Best feeling in the world: When the boys cuddle and say "I love you" at the end of the day.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Sometimes- Micah or Max might leave s toy in bed.
What’s under your bed: Dust.
Who do you really hate: No one.

What time is it now? 2:40pm

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: Y. Hubby.
Do you want children: Hope to reach 4.
Do you smile often: Yes
Do you like your hand-writing: Yes. Had good training and influences from friends during school days.
Are your toe nails painted: N.

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: None.
What color shirt are you wearing now: Black.
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Giving the boys their dinner.
I can’t wait till... : Hubby gets home tonite!
When did you cry last : Maybe yesterday...

Are you a friendly person: Y
Do you have any pets: Y. 2 dogs, some fishes and a terrapin.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now? Jakarta.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now? Y
Do you sleep with the TV on? Not usually, but have fallen asleep in front of the TV.

Have you ever crawled through a window?Think I did when a kid to help unlock a room from the inside.

Can you handle the truth? Y
Are you too forgiving?Maybe... guess it depends. Time does heal all wounds.
Are you closer to your mother or father?Last time father, now mother as dad's gone now.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Gadget-daddy

How many people can you say you’ve really loved?: Besides hubby and immediate family, most of my friends.
Do you eat healthy? Not really by the way MiL cooks. Lots of good food, but not as healthy as before I got married.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? No ex to begin with.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? Y
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? Gadget-daddy, Sisters.

Are you loud or quiet most of the time? Depends on the dynamics of a group, or if I am yelling at the kids or not. Hahaha...
Are you confident? Mostly appear to be so, but when I am nervous I'd say the most nonsensical things. It happened a couple of times in front of my last boss and director.


5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. Teaching in HELP Inst.

2. Working on my MA.

3. Wondering when it'll be best to get married.

4. Taking Dad to the hospital frequently.

5. Teaching in Sunday School.

5 things on my to-do list today: (make it tomorrow)
1. Go to Science Center to return library books.

2. Laundry.
3. Mop the floor.
4. Run errands.
5. Hope to catch a movie.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. cream crackers dipped in milo.

2. peanut-butter and jam sandwich.

3. prawn crackers.

4. apple pie

5. cashew nuts.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Take my family on a holiday to North America - USA and Canada - to visit friends and relatives there.

2. Take my some friends for a weekend stay in Redang/ Bintan Island, or Maldives.

3. Run a restaurant that gives free soup everyday to everyone and anyone.

4. Start an NGO that offers free literacy classes to street people.

5. Build a retreat chalet at Fraser's Hill for anyone who needs some space to retain their sanity.

5 of my bad habits:
1. Grind my teeth when I sleep.

2. Nibble at the table before I sit for my meal.

3. Cry or keep silent when I am very angry.

4. Pick my teeth with my pinky's nail.

5. When overexcited, tends to interject into people's conversation.

I wanna tag:-

Ann

Florence

Tracy

Your Eyes or Ears

Was reading Infant's post on this and I thought...

The things I'd miss if I were to become blind:

Colours of Nature,
Sunsets, sunrise, stars, rainbows, green trees and rushing rivers. The change of weather, and of seasons.
The details of a plant.
Animals of all sorts, the way feathers and scales are arranged,
the way furs and skin are so smooth and fine, and
the patterns that they come in - spots, stripes, patches or just whole.
And not just the colours of nature, but their shapes and depth and splendour.


Watching how things work
I am one easily captivated by how things work, or how skillful one works.

I was once commented and laughed at by an owner of burger stall because I was just staring at how he was preparing my burger - completely interested like at a cooking class, just absorbed. At least he was generous enough to not think I was trying to steal his skill or that I was suspicious of his hygiene etc. But I love watching how breads are made, cakes being decorated, the florist at work on a bouquet, the painter with his choice of medium and tools (Oh, I love 'Art Attack!').

I also love to watch clockworks, and those alike, I am always amazed by the mechanics of things, not like I'm anywhere near being a professional in this area, but I enjoy my moments with my boys staring at the unders of cars at the workshop, looking at the wheels of a train, watching road-bulding machines work.

Most of all,
I'd miss watching my boys grow as they play,
watching them in perfection as they sleep,
seeing their different facial expressions or delight, surprise, in great laughter, in anger or even fear, in sadness, in deep thoughts or when they are bored. When they are sleepy, falling asleep...
I'd miss seeing their face change as they grow from a baby to a child, and then to a man.
I'd miss studying their handsome features, their fingers and toes, and clipping their nails.
(This paragraph applies to my bestfriend and life partner too - Gadget-daddy - except the baby bit, but will be looking out for wrinkles and grey hairs. :D)

It would be such a loss. I can't imagine a world of darkness.

I can't imagine not being able to read,
not being able to walk freely and watch the bustling of a scene at a market, in the kitchen, at a park or at a train station.

So for all the above, I'd choose having my eyes than ears.


---------

On another somber note,
while my dad was losing his sight due to his diabetes, I once cried to Gadget-daddy (years before any sign of him being a daddy then) that it'd be so so sad that my dad would not be able to see our kids, his grandchildren. But more than that he never got to know on earth any of his grandchildren. He passed away 3 years before his first grandchild came to be.

Tagged, Again.

I got tagged by Hissychick and Lia. The same one I did before, but never mind, to write 6 random things about myself.

Here are the rules …
1. Link to the person who “tagged” you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.

1. I can draw considerably well.

My sisters and I used to draw on the walls in the old apartment we stayed in in the heart of town. A rented place. It sure was a nightmare to my parents, trying in vain to keep our hands off the walls. When we got older, I lived there from birth till 6, and moved the whole place was repainted. Lost are our early art works. We fondly called those walls our art-gallery. All the training we did in our childhood earned us popularity among friends during art classes. hahaha...

2. I have always admired patience and perseverance in people.

Hence some of the people I really admire and look up to and have very high regards for are my former teachers, those from my kindy years till pre-U years. They have been on the job year after year and never fail to help, teach, advise and encourage their students year after year. Their job, as far as career prospects were concern sucked, yet they never took it out on us innocent kiddos who could really make their life so stressful. hats off to them! (These teachers really added to my thoughts of becoming an educator myself...but looks like I did not quite make it there.)

3. I studied in a local Uni. Never thought I'd actually make (for those of you who know how tough our Pre-U is and also the qualifying grades), but it was here that I really learnt the ugly side of Malaysian's inwardly-turned eyes. I never knew what racial polarization was until I was there. I never even used that phrase in any of my conversations before that. Talk about culture shock for foreign students, I really felt foreign. Those were my years of real awakenings of what social and political concerns were. In protest, I actually refused to speak any Mandarine (the little that that I know) and used only Malay and English, and to some of the girls who were very shy, or from Penang and Perak, I spoke northern Hokkien.

4. Brainwashed - in a good way.

This has so much to do with all the ingraining of my Alma-Mater of my Secondary school years. I studied for 5 years in St. Mary's Girls School and the 2 years of pre-U in St. John's Secondary School. Both schools were heritage schools, started by missionaries, and moral values, Godly values, and civic consciousness were in the air we breathed for the many hours we were in school. So this was something very different in my sisters and I compared to my brothers and other family members. It's also very non- Chinese mindset that thinks only of taking care of yourself or your own family first. Contributing to the community or doing charity comes only when it's worth it or not too costly.

5. The oldest friend I have and still am in touch with is one I knew from Kindy. We were 6 then. Today she has 3 kids and stays 10 minutes from my place. My other best friend (next to Gadget-daddy) is one I knew from when we were 10. Todate, we still meet for lunch at least 10 times in a year. She's married with a baby boy and stays 10 minutes from my moms.

6. I loved school. I was blessed with many good friends and very good teachers. One friend in particular has a very volatile kind of character. We brought the best and worst out of each other. Because of her I often found myself in leadership positions (though I did not always handle the pressure well) but I had a very full and meaningful 7 years of school in my teenage years.

Hmmm... Looks like this one has a lot to do with school for me.

OK. I tag:

Florence

Infant

Lynn

Mummy-yeoh

Mundane

U.Lee

My Mom's And Dad's Version of B&B

My mom is very traditional and conservative.
Anything to do with sex is taboo.

Mom never knew how to explain anything regarding gender development, even when we, her daughters, reached puberty. She just supplied us with sanitary napkins, made us wash our own undies from age 12, and scolded us whenever we stained the bed sheets.

When I was about three I asked her where I came from. I asked a few times and her answers were always different and unconvincing:

Someone left you at out doorstep.
We picked you up from the rubbish bin.
Picked you up from the toilet bowl.

It all did not make sense to me, although at that time I did not know how to express my disbelief at her answers. Definitely nothing to build up a child's self-confidence. Good thing I did not believe her, or I would have really felt like a reject, or thought myself adopted. Hahaha...

When she showered us, she'll ask us to squat down and wash our "little chick".

The only two things she did positively for us was that she was never shy to change in front of us, and, if so happen that we needed something while she was in the shower, she would still talk to us from her bathroom (attached to her bedroom). The other was I recalled watching her breastfeed my younger siblings.

So my sisters (not sure about my brothers. oops!) and I learnt about the birds and bees from our friends, science class, each other and nurses* who came to do talks about the development of the female body.



My father said a few things to me that were actually pretty helpful.

1. I was about 8 then, maybe. I can't remember how this came about, and what was said prior to this, but he told me that no one should simply touch my private parts. Not even those relatives we see often, and definitely none of his friends nor strangers.

2. I was about 19 and was working with him as a massage therapist before furthering my studies. Somewhere in that 1.5 years, he revealed this: At the end of intercourse is a kind of peace, a calm. Again, I can't recall how we got to this topic, but he sure baffled and surprise me. Unexpected, but appreciated the info and enlightenment.

3. I was about 27 and we were driving in the heart of the city past midnight, out on one of his midnight cravings for Singapore prawn noodle. We were talking about life, and at that time I just need to ask him this: Did they ever thought of abortion** while my mom was carrying me? He said, "No. We had always had good sex and every baby was wanted." There was a lump in my throat and I jumped a little in my skin, but managed to carry on the conversation and drive without hitting the curb.


I can't imagine how my mom would respond if Micah is to spring any booby trap on her, on her taboo topic.
Actually, I think I can...

She'll just laugh, call him clever, and ask him to ask his Mommy.


My kids sure are having better info on the birds and bees.



* The nurses were actually employed by certain companies and they gave out sample products at the end of the talks. Pretty fun for us girls.
** They say if you have considered abortion, your fetus would know and have some kind of imprint on its memory and carry a kind of burden in it's soul/spirit. At that time I was going through a dark spell, often feeling depressed and wished for death, though not actually suicidal.