Dark Clouds

She's schizophrenic.
I have been brooding over a friend. She had been on my mind for a while now and today after talking to another friend who is familiar with mental illnesses, my fears are more or less confirmed: she's Schizophrenic. Of course you need a psychiatrist to look at her and confirm that for sure, but she has all the tell-tale signs: delusional about herself, her past and other people. It's really awful...

We were schoolmates. We were only in the same class for 2 years and even then we sat at different ends of the classroom. We were not even close, but strangely we share some kind of warmth in our acquaintance. After Form 6 (Pre-U) we lost touch. Then, at the beginning of this year, thanks to our St. Marians group, she called and we celebrated her birthday with a couple of other old school friends. It was great to see hear and catch up on what happened to us in the last 16 year gap. I thought I had recovered an old friendship.

Yeah, so my world of friendships is still that of rose tinted windows... I value friendships a lot and letting go is the hardest thing for me to do. People are precious. Inspite of some painful experiences with difficult characters, I can't live to think other wise.

So how do you cope with a friend like that. It's really difficult and painful because suddenly I don't know how much of the stories she's told is true, and if she is what she claims herself to be. At first it was just upsetting and maddening to get e-mails and SMSs about herself and other friends - she tells strange stories, full of non-sense and illogical accusations... It was really emotionally draining. Now it's just heart-breaking.

Somehow she has a special place in my heart... and I am lost...
So I am brooding... dark clouds over my head... and I can't sleep thinking about her...

Sigh...