I am one of those moms who really enjoy breastfeeding.
I love to hold the baby close and smell him from day one. I also enjoy all the quiet times, cozy times and the times they look up to you and smile. They just look so angelic. They'll touch your face and giggle when you make funny faces at them. When they are dropping off to sleep, it's like a magical moment to see them so close up and so secure.
With Micah I nursed him till he was 14 months old. That time I was already pregnant with Max and because my skin was sensitive I developed open sores on the areolas. Not a pretty sight. The pain was also paralysing. There were days I literally just lay curled in bed, not wanting any painkillers, and wait till it became more bearable. Maybe more like till the rest of the nerves just went numb. I got scolded by my mom for not taking care of myself.
With Max I was a more careful. Some people asked me if I was traumatised by my previous experience. Well, obviously not. When I held Max the first time, I just wanted to hold him forever and nurse him. Now, at 25 months, I am just starting to wean him.
Since Micah was wean of suddenly, I never knew what the process would be like. It's not easy, especially since it had always been on demand. It was not so much his nutritional need, but it was, most of all, his comforter: Bumped himself, and he gets "nan-nan". Tired.. "nan-nan". Sleepy... "nan-nan". Missed me... "nan-nan". Bored... "nan-nan". When his brother gets his milk in a bottle... "nan-nan". In the car, in church, at my mom's, at play group, at the science centre, in restaurants, my friends' place... It was such a natural thing for us that I never thought it awkward nor embarrassing.
So now, for the last 2 weeks, Max is just getting it for sleeping time. But of course sleeping time is not just the time before he sleeps. It actually covers the timezones of while he is asleep (dreaming and crying in his dream for "nan-nan", sometimes sleep-talking, " "Nan-nan" first, Mommy, please.") and also in the near waking hours. So while it is technically just twice a day, including nap time, it is actually at least 4 times if not more, depending on his sleep pattern at night. So it's actually gonna take a while.
I have been quite successful in giving him other kinds of assurance and comforts when he hurt himself. But now I have to start working on cutting off the near-waking hours. That I plan to start end of the month.
I think I will miss nursing Max, but we have to start making way for another baby...hopefully by the end of this year. Yeah, we are working on that. :)