Wednesday, 23 April 2008

My Mom's And Dad's Version of B&B

My mom is very traditional and conservative.
Anything to do with sex is taboo.

Mom never knew how to explain anything regarding gender development, even when we, her daughters, reached puberty. She just supplied us with sanitary napkins, made us wash our own undies from age 12, and scolded us whenever we stained the bed sheets.

When I was about three I asked her where I came from. I asked a few times and her answers were always different and unconvincing:

Someone left you at out doorstep.
We picked you up from the rubbish bin.
Picked you up from the toilet bowl.

It all did not make sense to me, although at that time I did not know how to express my disbelief at her answers. Definitely nothing to build up a child's self-confidence. Good thing I did not believe her, or I would have really felt like a reject, or thought myself adopted. Hahaha...

When she showered us, she'll ask us to squat down and wash our "little chick".

The only two things she did positively for us was that she was never shy to change in front of us, and, if so happen that we needed something while she was in the shower, she would still talk to us from her bathroom (attached to her bedroom). The other was I recalled watching her breastfeed my younger siblings.

So my sisters (not sure about my brothers. oops!) and I learnt about the birds and bees from our friends, science class, each other and nurses* who came to do talks about the development of the female body.



My father said a few things to me that were actually pretty helpful.

1. I was about 8 then, maybe. I can't remember how this came about, and what was said prior to this, but he told me that no one should simply touch my private parts. Not even those relatives we see often, and definitely none of his friends nor strangers.

2. I was about 19 and was working with him as a massage therapist before furthering my studies. Somewhere in that 1.5 years, he revealed this: At the end of intercourse is a kind of peace, a calm. Again, I can't recall how we got to this topic, but he sure baffled and surprise me. Unexpected, but appreciated the info and enlightenment.

3. I was about 27 and we were driving in the heart of the city past midnight, out on one of his midnight cravings for Singapore prawn noodle. We were talking about life, and at that time I just need to ask him this: Did they ever thought of abortion** while my mom was carrying me? He said, "No. We had always had good sex and every baby was wanted." There was a lump in my throat and I jumped a little in my skin, but managed to carry on the conversation and drive without hitting the curb.


I can't imagine how my mom would respond if Micah is to spring any booby trap on her, on her taboo topic.
Actually, I think I can...

She'll just laugh, call him clever, and ask him to ask his Mommy.


My kids sure are having better info on the birds and bees.



* The nurses were actually employed by certain companies and they gave out sample products at the end of the talks. Pretty fun for us girls.
** They say if you have considered abortion, your fetus would know and have some kind of imprint on its memory and carry a kind of burden in it's soul/spirit. At that time I was going through a dark spell, often feeling depressed and wished for death, though not actually suicidal.

12 comments:

U.Lee said...

Hi Kathie, wow! Interesting reading this. I learned from books, *wink*. But one sure can learn fast this kind of subject, ha ha.
By the way, drop in again. Just as you left your comment, I posted a new one.
Keep well, Kathie. Any more babies on the way? Ha ha. Lee.

Ann said...

Ya...I don't remember my parents telling me about such things too. Though I think they took the easy way out, they got us to love reading and then gave us books on stuff like these! So, I think that is where I got the info from!

By the way....on your last line...I wouldn't have imagined you capable of such thoughts! i thought I was the only one!

Moomykin said...

U.lee,

Hi. Glad you enjoyed a unique one. :)

I actually have never read a good book on this topic. All were very clinical as I was never into those romance novels.

Babies? Hopefully will around soon. Doc advised to wait a couple more months before starting "work". :)

Yes, will drop by soon. Thanks for the invitation. :)

Moomykin said...

ann,

dad was more open minded and easier to talk to, but were too blur to ask anything. He was also usually busy at work. Mom...you know already. :)

My last mine: My dad said it could have been stress and sadness suffered by my mom while carrying me because of some family struggles. Maybe she did wish for a while she was not pregnant. But these are all guesses.
At that time, the depression was bad enough for me to seek counselling from my pastor and wife and they really help set me free.

I do suffer depression occasionally still, but it's mild now. Just sometimes feeling a bit lost and aimless about life and trying to see the Big picture our Heavenly Father has in store. Yeah, those are somewhat stressful and a heavy load to carry too.

Our Jouneys.... said...

Are u not shy to write about all these on ur blog...it is being read not only by your blog mates but anyone who surf the net!

Anyway I think I know wat ur answer will be.....

Our Jouneys.... said...

well guess I'm kind of old fashion too...at least my husband thinks I am

Moomykin said...

Our journeys...

Guess I am open for discussion where I think it can be helpful.

We did a class on Sex Education in Uni, for us to teach the school kids and our lecturer's approach (it's a lady lecturer and her husband a gynecologist) made me realise how open discussion with both gender present was very enlightening. I was a little uncomfortable initially, but after a few classes there were really good debates and that's how I was set free from my shackles of fear of objective discussions on sex. :)

God works in all manners and in all places. ;)

Moomykin said...

our journeys,

By the way, there is a big difference between objective discussions and lewd and immature comments.

Also with kids you cannot be "malu" all the time or you'll sure get caught red faced in public. Must know info and how to dish it appropriate at their age, so you'll be well composed all the time...
or at least appear to be so. Hahahah...

Our Jouneys.... said...

yahlah i understand cannot be malu with kids about sex education but this is the internet...all kinds "of public people" surf the net daily and they can do anything and read everything we write so must be carefulah...

Anyhow...it's up to u lah...just a piece of advise from me...

Guess becoz i work in church, i need to be careful wat i write online...otherwise can give the wrong impression to people...anyone can have any perception of things...

Moomykin said...

our journeys,

You are right. I am writing as a mother and it's things mothers, and also fathers, have to look at and face at one point or another in our journey called parenthood.

Guess this is the different track we are journeying on as friends for all these years...

Still, I am glad we are not so far apart. :)

Angelia said...

My mum never talked to me about this, I think even my older siblings before they went overseas got a leaflet to read and thats it LOL

I'd rather my kids learn from "reliable" sources rather than other ways lor. We can't escape it these days.

more on this soon, Im waiting for Kin to get here!!!!!! :)

Moomykin said...

angelia,


I too, agree that they should learn from reliable sources.

Thanks for showing me the book. Very interesting. I especially am intrigue by the drawings of sperms at the corner of the pages beside the male animals and also the man. Already I can imagine all the questions from Micah if he is to see that. Hahaha...

Will get it when I visit MPH next. :)

Thanks.