Tuesday, 11 March 2008

:(

11.40am.
Saw the doctor again today.

Seems the baby is not "thriving" (his word).

There is still no heartbeat and the last few days there has actually been a bit of spotting.

Not good news...

His words:
"Pregnancies are 90% reproduction and 10% waste.
It's biological. It spares no one..."

Ugh! Those percentage again...!

He explained a bit about miscarriages and some cleaning procedure... can't recall now what his words were exactly...
Called Mike from the car park, but phone's battery died.

Got home and put to the boys into their swing for their nap.

Mike came back for lunch. We talked a little.
Waiting for one more week before we decide what to do...

Talked my gynecologist friend (the one who was in Melaka GH before and now in KLGH)...
We talked about different symptoms. She was assuring. It's no one's fault.
She said she'll pray. She even offered to take me on a holiday this weekend.


4pm.
Mentioned to Micah that we might not be having a baby after all and he almost cried asking,
"Why?"
"Well, the baby is not growing."
"Is the baby not eating? Who feeds the baby?"
"Well, Mommy eats and the baby is suppose to get the food from me."
"I think it's the umbilical cord. You need to snip it off, then the baby will be out."

I smiled. I wish some things are as easily fixed.

Micah and Max blew raspberry for the baby (on Mommy).
Then we looked out of the window, it was starting to rain...

Raining in my heart...

Looking to God.
Don't know how to pray.

9 comments:

Angelia said...

Im so sorry hunny :(

our love and thoughts to you HUGS HUGS

Our Jouneys.... said...

hi...praying for you now...perhaps God has greater plans which we do not see many times...

take care and love u

hissychick said...

Oh no Kathie, I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't looking good.

Am thinking of you.

Take care.

Ann said...

I am so sorry to hear that!

God has a way of only wanting to give the BEST to us...

At any rate, I had spotting too. Had to be confined to bed and had to take some hormon shots!

Sometimes when we don't know how to pray, we can only pray that God's will be done. And then for thanksgiving or strength either way.

Take good care. Will be praying for you!

JLow said...

Hi Kathie,

Sorry to hear this.

Our thoughts are with you and Mike, and your boys.

Keep well.

Kathie "Moomykin" Yeoh said...

Thank you, my dear friends, for being with us through this time of grief.

Mike and I spent some time last night crying, grieving and letting go. We went to see the doc again today and he was quite helpful in explaining to us and this time, sounding more human than scientific. That was comforting.

So it turns out it was an "empty sac. There was no real tissue multiplication and hence no heartbeat. In a sense it was a pregnancy with no baby forming.

It's a disappointment.
A broken dream.
It's a loss of hope.
At least we didn't lose a child.

My sis had such one before and she was also very assuring when we spoke on the phone last night.

We will be ok...

Thank you, for all your warm thoughts, kind words and prayers.

neomesuff said...

Take care ya...
..keep smiling keep shining

A gift from God said...

Hey Kathie,

Hang in there, I will pray for you. Just surrender everything to God and he will guide you through.
Take care, whatever it is, it will be for the best.

pepperboy said...

Hi Kin, my thoughts and prayers are with you. God will lift up your head again. <3