:(

11.40am.
Saw the doctor again today.

Seems the baby is not "thriving" (his word).

There is still no heartbeat and the last few days there has actually been a bit of spotting.

Not good news...

His words:
"Pregnancies are 90% reproduction and 10% waste.
It's biological. It spares no one..."

Ugh! Those percentage again...!

He explained a bit about miscarriages and some cleaning procedure... can't recall now what his words were exactly...
Called Mike from the car park, but phone's battery died.

Got home and put to the boys into their swing for their nap.

Mike came back for lunch. We talked a little.
Waiting for one more week before we decide what to do...

Talked my gynecologist friend (the one who was in Melaka GH before and now in KLGH)...
We talked about different symptoms. She was assuring. It's no one's fault.
She said she'll pray. She even offered to take me on a holiday this weekend.


4pm.
Mentioned to Micah that we might not be having a baby after all and he almost cried asking,
"Why?"
"Well, the baby is not growing."
"Is the baby not eating? Who feeds the baby?"
"Well, Mommy eats and the baby is suppose to get the food from me."
"I think it's the umbilical cord. You need to snip it off, then the baby will be out."

I smiled. I wish some things are as easily fixed.

Micah and Max blew raspberry for the baby (on Mommy).
Then we looked out of the window, it was starting to rain...

Raining in my heart...

Looking to God.
Don't know how to pray.