Wednesday, 28 May 2008

No Yelling (if possible)


Last weekend Gadget-daddy and I talked out the progress of our kids, namely Micah.

He copies us so much in the way we talk and our antics, he's really a mirror of what happens in the house. Scary.

So, yes, he has been yelling back, especially when he is upset by the way we scold him or punish him for things that we feel should be out of bounds or when we expected more of him. Of course not listening and following instruction is the main cause of all.

He will yell, "go away," to everyone when he is really upset, and I mean everyone (even those who try to comfort him). And he will scold others who are talking, when he is trying to talk, for distracting him or the listener (namely Mommy).

At the heat of the moment, his tantrum is like a tornado-hit-town kind of effect. But also like a tornado, it passes quite fast. We are still learning how to help him cope with his emotional stress.

So we have decided that Mommy and Daddy will not yell...if at all possible! We can't help it with the other two adult residence though. So I have been really trying, but the times when it seems most impossible is when we are in the car. Max now wants to ride in the carseat front with Mommy so Micah gets to be at the back with grandma. Both the boys have already established the fact that with Grandma, she will let you ride on her lap and the rest of the back seat (sigh...).

So with Micah on the loose at the back, he will frequently poke his head to the front, sometimes play with my hair, look out of the rear screen, etc. And Mommy will be saying "Micah, please sit down," for like 10 times and then loose her cool and start scolding and threatening. Pffffffhhhh...

It's actually better for me to just go out with the 2 boys on my own and have them strapped down for the journey. But after that I will have trouble keeping control of them when both have their feet tough the ground and run loose (some of you have seen that in church and the science centre).

Anyway, "NO YELLING" is a sign I have put up for myself. Virtually. Must stick a few written ones around my room. Hahahah....

7 comments:

Ann said...

Oooohhhh.....so sounds like my son when he is frustrated...only my son does it without words!

Hard to discipline a child when others don't allow you to do so huh!

I have that problem with my inlaws as well. Thankfully my parents are stricter than me...though I can see my dad is trying hard not to be! hahaha....

Angelia said...

haha yes, I know how this feels. they will have tantrums though, part and parcel. I think even adults have them sometimes ;)

I think gadget daddy and you need to insist that the kids are in the seats at all times. These days it's too dangerous to let em roam free, lagi if distracting to driver. Tell grandma that you want your grandsons to be safe, stay in there. Btw the new law is that you have to stay buckled up in the back :D hentam saja! :)

hissychick said...

Good for you for the no yelling approach. I struggle so badly on some days...but it is so much better when I don't resort to it. In fact, lowering my voice and speaking quietly seems to be far more effective at times. Go figure.

ETA: I agree with angelia re the carseats. Here in Australia kids have to be in the car seats in the back of the car until at least four. There is even now a push to make it until ten. Although I can remember lying down across the back seat when I was little and also riding up front...

Moomykin said...

ann,

It's really a phase, but we have to careful what we reinforce when they are going through that phase. So I am trying harder.

Most older folks just don't get the carseat concept here. Sigh...

But funny about your dad. :D

Moomykin said...

Lia,

Gadget-daddy and I have no qualms about the car seat. We love to strap them in. Makes us feel secure.

But the thing with Grandma is more sticky. She, tak boleh di tegur. She also cannot cope with the stress of a child crying. We would just let them cry or try to distract them, but she will give in.

We have actually gone through the whole circus from the time Micah started to be in the car seat. She had to sneak in to the car while we put him in the car seat in front (old car no air-bag). if he even gets a hint she is in the car, he would throw such a tantrum until she will fight us to pull him out.

Moomykin said...

hissychick,

I think you got that right. We not yelling helps them to be calm and not yell too. Only thing is sometimes in a tantrum they can really go hysterical. Sigh...

Carseat: I know... I wish my in-laws would be more conscientious. There was one time I caught them with Micah (2 years back) in the front with them. I almost lost my head. Thank God it was just one time, and Gadget-daddy and I stressed how we felt about that. That I never compromise.

Angelia said...

a possible option is to have two car seats at the back and grandma sits in front. Let em tantrum, after a few times, they will get it. The thing is it's harder to train grandparents than kiddies hehehehehhehehee..

the threat would be "no, grandma, you can't go out either if yall behave this way"

am lucky my parents are sticklers for car seats and seat belts. My inlaws.... is... lain punya orang. they cant tahan crying, would rather give in, don't care reg: safety, just for a pouty face..so the niece has learnt the art of "pretending" to have a wobbly lip, then she gets what she wants lah.
For me, I've always insisted NO WAY are u taking them out in the car unless they are belted in. I'd rather have my children safe (cruelty be damned lol) than fly thru the window. The kids dont complain (although they will riot about who gets to sit in the middle row) haha so I had to do the "we take turns to sit in the middle row" thing. LOL

but I guess Im stubborn and rather ganas lah. and I'd be as polite as I can but ..

on the other hand, I think living with the inlaws can make it harder. It's down to mike lor, but either way, just say no. Cos the kids will know that if they scream enough, they will get what they want. That aint a good thing :)

when are we gng to meet agian?