Thursday, 26 June 2008

Panic


This is Mommy saying it: Micah made me cry.

It was not one of those heart-warning moments that you're just so totally touched to the point of tears. Rather, it was a very serious stress he inflicted on me and I almost lost my mind.

We were on our way home from a neighbour's house, 5 doors away. We had played there for an hour or so, and were heading back going by the back lane. They had seen their "friendly cat" and wanted to pat it. I also thought grandma might be preparing dinner and the backdoor would be opened.

While I was still helping Max down some steps after he had patted the cat, Micah, already on the ground, raced off towards our home. I noticed our door was not opened, so I asked him to call for grandma to open the door. Instead he raced right to the end of the block. I called out to him, but he disappeared round the corner. Max started racing along, just a few steps ahead of me, and stopped at our door.

The next thing that hit me was I heard a scream/yell/squeal kind of sound from Micah. Two times consecutively. Panic. My heart stopped. Then I just freaked out. Somehow, in a flash, I turned back and saw our friends coming along behind us, though quite far back. (I thought they were coming over to visit in turn.)

In a panic I left Max standing alone at the locked backdoor and ran as fast as I could to the end of the block. No sign of Micah. As I ran along the side of the last house I looked around but still no sign of Micah. Panic. I ran round the second corner, now at the front road of our house, and spotted him a few doors away from our house and he was giggling to himself. Grandma was watering some plants outside.

Forget good manners in public and all the neighbours coming to the front gate. I called out and even before I reached him, I was already scolding him. I also yelled for grandma to help get the backdoor for Max. Max was crying for me to open the backdoor. Did not want grandma to do it. And when I did, he was alone. Our neighbours must have turned back when they saw me taking off after Micah.

With all the cases of missing children and the way inflation is soaring right now, I just went berserk imagining the worst at that one point in time. I did not even realised how shaken I was till I spoke to Gadget-daddy on the phone later (yes, he's away again) and burst into tears. It was like a taste of what those parents of missing children must be going through. So desperate!

I felt I had failed - just can't get it together.
I felt awful about Micah disappearing round the corners.
I felt awful about leaving Max at the door by himself.
I could have lost either or both boys in one panicky moment.
I wish I could "control" them a little better.
I wish they could understand our precautions better and OBEY.

Sigh.... >sob<>sob<...

10 comments:

hissychick said...

Oh you poor thing :(

I had a similar moment of sheer terror when E was first born and A would act out by tearing away from me when we got out of the car. One time she ran straight out onto the road in front of my friend's house...in front of a car. Luckily the driver had somehow anticipated what was going to happen and had almost pulled up. Even thinking about what might have been still gives me the shivers right now.

Anyway don't beat yourself up about it- all turned out OK in the end, thank goodness.

And one other thing: it's impossible to be able to do everything 'perfectly' when you have two or more kids. Taking my car example...A pulled out of my grip and what could I do, drop E and grab her?! So I would have left Max by the back door too :)

Take care, these things always happen when husbands are away...

A gift from God said...

Hey, don't take it too hard on yourself.... everything is ok... learn from this experience... next time be more calm when handling such situation.... It's ok.. we are not perfect.... :)

mumsgather said...

Oh dear Oh dear. I hear you. Sob Sob. Fortunately nothing untoward happened. But hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You did not fail. These things happen. Perhaps you could get one of those good habits or safety story books or flash cards to read to them and ground to them what is safe and what is not.

mumsgather said...

Hey Moomykin, I hope that you don't mind that I linked you in my post.

Angelia said...

Its a horrible feeling etc. but unfortunately there will be times like this more often than you'd like.

I try so hard to be calm on outside (so not to freak out the other two) and fight that rising feeling of panic inside.

j1 was running away from us (that boy can run so much faster than his unfit momma)in a shopping centre and vanished into the crowd. normally they are both holding onto the stroller and generally well trained enough not to let go. But we were with friends. He thankfully had the sense to ask a lady guard to say he can't see his mum and waited at the information counter. Being a loud momma (hmm mebbe thats where they get it from lol), he heard me and waved.

He's not run away out of our sight since. We've been trying so hard to drum "safety rules" into their heads, esp with k now of age.

Ugh, I feel for you hun HUGS HUGS. As hissychick said, it's bound to happen sometimes (no matter how vigilant you are) but it's ok.

and you did great, you thought abt what to do. They will llearn from this anyway hopefully.

HUGS HUGS

JLow said...

So many things must have flashed in your mind...

All things considered, I think you did great. I *think* I, anyone, would probably have done the same.

'Cos, being in the backlane, I would presume there is no traffic, thus Max would be safe (in this respect) left alone there, for a (short as poss) while. Going after Micah, who would be exposed to traffic, would be priority.

I had a scare too. We live in a condo. We use lifts from the multi-storey carpark. When we get home, there is usually lots to carry (my laptop bag, milk-feed related bags, baby to carry, etc). So Caitlin is usually not hand-held.

Once the lift door opened. Caitlin ran in first. The lift door started closing. Our hands were full. We were all still not inside.

JLow said...

Honestly I wasn't intending to leave you in suspense! Accidentally hit the Return key!

To continue...

I quickly stuck my foot out for the lift doors to close on my foot for the sensor to detect it to open again....

Gave Caitlin a piece of our minds. Loudly. I don't know if she fully understood the possible implications: She could have ended up anywhere between 1st and 18th floor of the building, anytime/anywhere the lift door opened and walking out.

Moomykin said...

Thank you, everyone for being so sympathetic and supportive.



hissychick,

I can imagine your horror of A running out to the road. That is really REALLy scary! Oh, So glad the car stopped. God bless that soul.


a gift from god,

hahaha... I usually appear calm even when I'm at my wit's end. Just after that I will really crumble. Also, sometimes at the spur of the moment I can't always make the "best" decision.

Like Gadget-daddy said, I should have picked Max up and run with him, but I wanted to run as fast as I could, and carrying a 12kg boy will definitely slow me down.


mumsgather,

We have told Micah many times about safety, and repeat it often. We showed him and talked about those missing children's posters at petrol stations, etc. But he is a child and cannot perceive potential dangers.

Yes, go ahead and link this. It's ok.



Lia,

At shopping malls we have told Micah many times too, not to run round the corner where we cannot see him, and we have told him that if he is ever lost, he should go to a security guard to ask for help. He has also memoriesed gadget-daddy's mobile. But I think if he is ever lost he would just stand and cry.

jlow,

Oh, we have this scary lift story too, it was in fact my first post: Micah ran into the lift and the doors closed even though I was pressing on to the button outside!

Good thing I was not alone, and I was just one floor down. So my mum stood at the lift in case he came back up, while I flew down the stairs and found him at the level below, which was a car lobby area and he was walking among some parked cars. My MIL was carrying Max who was just a 6 months old.

This boy sure has given many heart attacks.

Thanks again, my blog buddies, for standing by me through this.

Our Jouneys.... said...

Oh my...I cannot imagine but I would have reacted the same way. I remember how crazy I went when Sasha disappeared for a while when we were in Russia.

Hope u have calm down now...don't be too hard with yourself over this incident.

Love u

Moomykin said...

our journeys,

I hate getting lost, too, but it's really scary when it's a child that's lost because so much more harm can come to them than to an adult, not like we are entirely safe these days...

Thank you, my friend.