Thursday, 26 June 2008
This is Mommy saying it: Micah made me cry.
It was not one of those heart-warning moments that you're just so totally touched to the point of tears. Rather, it was a very serious stress he inflicted on me and I almost lost my mind.
We were on our way home from a neighbour's house, 5 doors away. We had played there for an hour or so, and were heading back going by the back lane. They had seen their "friendly cat" and wanted to pat it. I also thought grandma might be preparing dinner and the backdoor would be opened.
While I was still helping Max down some steps after he had patted the cat, Micah, already on the ground, raced off towards our home. I noticed our door was not opened, so I asked him to call for grandma to open the door. Instead he raced right to the end of the block. I called out to him, but he disappeared round the corner. Max started racing along, just a few steps ahead of me, and stopped at our door.
The next thing that hit me was I heard a scream/yell/squeal kind of sound from Micah. Two times consecutively. Panic. My heart stopped. Then I just freaked out. Somehow, in a flash, I turned back and saw our friends coming along behind us, though quite far back. (I thought they were coming over to visit in turn.)
In a panic I left Max standing alone at the locked backdoor and ran as fast as I could to the end of the block. No sign of Micah. As I ran along the side of the last house I looked around but still no sign of Micah. Panic. I ran round the second corner, now at the front road of our house, and spotted him a few doors away from our house and he was giggling to himself. Grandma was watering some plants outside.
Forget good manners in public and all the neighbours coming to the front gate. I called out and even before I reached him, I was already scolding him. I also yelled for grandma to help get the backdoor for Max. Max was crying for me to open the backdoor. Did not want grandma to do it. And when I did, he was alone. Our neighbours must have turned back when they saw me taking off after Micah.
With all the cases of missing children and the way inflation is soaring right now, I just went berserk imagining the worst at that one point in time. I did not even realised how shaken I was till I spoke to Gadget-daddy on the phone later (yes, he's away again) and burst into tears. It was like a taste of what those parents of missing children must be going through. So desperate!
I felt I had failed - just can't get it together.
I felt awful about Micah disappearing round the corners.
I felt awful about leaving Max at the door by himself.
I could have lost either or both boys in one panicky moment.
I wish I could "control" them a little better.
I wish they could understand our precautions better and OBEY.